Friday, February 5, 2010

Bootcamp Q & A

Diet Warfare

Q: My DHTB (dear husband to be) is driving me crazy! He hates that I'm on a diet and is always trying to get me to eat french fries or pizza or other junk. And if I try to suggest that he could stand to lose a few too, it erupts into a daylong fight that makes both of us feel worse. Please advise!

A: I've heard that story before… Beauty and the Beast! As much as you may feel that he's your soul mate, he is capable of being… shall we say, unsupportive. It's not because he doesn't love you. In my experience (I've seen this happen to so many of my girls), he's doing it because he misses hanging out with you at restaurants and pigging out on popcorn at the movies — hey, it was fun, wasn't it? — or because as you start to look hotter and hotter, he's afraid he's going to lose you to another guy. He might also be jealous because he's not happy with the way he looks either, but his macho ego won't let him tell you how much he wishes there was something like a Groom Bootcamp.

Time to sharpen your communication skills. Talk to him and tell him that you still love to do things with him — after all, he's going to be your partner now for life. You guys can still hang out together, see your friends and go to the movies — there's no reason these activities have to involve food. Even when you eat out, if you make healthy choices, you can still enjoy your meal together.

Emphasize that you love him for who he is and nothing is going to change that, no matter how much weight you lose. And most importantly, explain that it's not just about the dress (because, really, it's not). You want to get healthier and more fit so the two of you can spend many happy, healthy years together. (Look up at him with those big, puppy-dog eyes as you're saying this.)

Invite him to join you in your pursuit of health and fitness. He might be more responsive to your new lifestyle if he understands why you're doing this and he feels included. So when you go out for a walk, ask him to come along; when you are planning your meals for the week, get his input. (And if he's the one who cooks, even better.) However, if he just gets defensive, you'll need to be a little more creative with your battle plan. Tell him you need to get fresh air so you're going for a walk — and you'd love it if he'd join you — or that there was a sale on spinach and that's why it's in so many of your meals lately.

If he's still resistant, you may have to give up trying to change him (now and forever). But you must impress upon him that this is an important goal for you. While he doesn't have to adopt a healthier lifestyle himself, you do need his support for you to accomplish it. And when it comes down to it, isn't supporting each other what marriage is all about?

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